Washington DC – Nancy Pelosi has called for the immediate removal of President Donald Trump, claiming that the President sanctioned an operation in which the Predator stole her laptop during the storming of the Capitol Building on January 6.
“I don’t care if the inauguration is less than two weeks away,” said Pelosi. “He [Trump] must go! Just because I panicked in all that mayhem and left my laptop behind doesn’t mean he can take it.”
One witness, who was outside the Capitol Building, did state that there were strange “clicking” noises. “It was hard to tell. It was noisy at times. I thought I saw something. There was smoke so I don’t know if it was just the heat or the Predator’s cloak looking funny in the light.”
When asked about the alleged presence of the Predator, Joe Biden reiterated his earlier statement: “Yesterday or the day before, it was one of the darkest days in our history. Darkest day. It was an assault… a dark assault on democracy, the freedom to sniff, and kittens and puppies and McDonald’s, an assault on personal laptops. I couldn’t smell any Predator and my nose still works pretty well. What… what… what day is today?”
President Trump, however, has denied the allegation. “I never sanctioned the Predator to take anyone’s computer. Look, we all know the Predator is attracted to conflict so if one decided to show up while Antifa was making trouble, then I don’t think any of us could have stopped him. And besides, I thought the Dems liked letting in aliens. Or only when it suits them?”
In other news, regarding the storming of the Capitol Building, Taiwan President Tsai Ing-wen said, “People storming the parliament generally doesn’t happen here but still… it’s not truly democratic unless we have a passionate fight in parliament every second day, so I don’t know what all the fuss is about.”
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