top of page

Palpatine Defunds the Jedi

Palpatine Defunds the Jedi

Galactic Senate, Coruscant (GNS) – Chancellor Palpatine has officially defunded the Jedi as part of the re-organization of the Republic into the Galactic Empire. This follows an assassination attempt on the Chancellor by the Jedi.


For the past year, citizens have been protesting across the galaxy calling for an end to the war against the Separatists. As the months went by, the protests have expanded to include “Defund the Jedi” and “Droid Lives Matter”.


“The Jedi are meant to keep the peace, not act like gang leaders going around whacking people with their lightsabers,” said one Coruscant resident.


Others, however, are less critical. “To be fair,” said another citizen, “the Jedi did warn us not to use them as soldiers.”


But it seems like the latest attempt on the Chancellor’s life has swayed most senators as well as citizens concerning the Jedi. “It’s not just being left scarred and deformed,” said the Chancellor, “when the Jedi tried to kill me, I couldn’t breathe… I felt so weak.”


A senator, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said, “I don’t know anymore… But one thing I do know: Palps look so scary now, I’m just gonna agree with whatever he says.”


Reports that the Chancellor may have illegally defunded the Jedi by sending troops to the Jedi Temple before an official Senate vote, the Chancellor’s office issued this statement: “The Chancellor made it legal and he is the Senate. And besides, the troops were actually sent to the Jedi Temple in response to protesters and rioters setting fires.”

 

Be sure to subscribe to our mailing list so you get each new Opinyun that comes out!

 

Recent Posts

See All
Screen Shot 2021-12-09 at 4.49.31 PM.png

10% Off
Use Code: MERRYXMAS

MERCHANDISE!

bottom of page