Moderna to Participate in US Army Light Tank Program

Washington DC – Moderna has announced it will expand its portfolio by developing military hardware, specifically the light tank for the US Army.

“Well, we’re already part of the medical-industrial complex and our mRNA vaccine can be considered a bioweapon,” said Kate Cronin, Chief Brand Officer, “so why not enter the military-industrial complex and build tanks?!”

According to CEO Stephane Bancel, the intention is not merely to diversify but to combine Moderna’s expertise in pharmacy and weapons engineering.

“The light tank is a perfect [vaccine] delivery system in suburban streets and open fields alike,” said Bancel. “It can prevent COVID infection by blowing people up. No virus, no adverse events, just vaporize everything. Much cleaner than our current vaccine.”

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