Paris, France – French President Emmanuel Macron has vowed to give Ukraine SCALP-EG cruise missiles.
“We, I mean they, have got a big counter-offensive coming,” said Macron, “and we can’t let those Brits take all the credit with their Storm Shadow cruise missiles. Our weapons are just as good.”
Ukrainian President Zelensky thanked Macron for the offer.
“We’re winning even though we haven’t got any ammo, so give us more,” he said. “And another set of tracksuit so I can keep on looking hands-on and cool.”
“We will, of course, do our best,” responded Macron.
He also insisted that France is “not waging war with Russia” but merely “giving missiles to Ukraine to maybe try blow up something”.
“Ultimately, we’re really just competing with the Brits as usual,” Macron added. “Besides, they’re just missiles. They’re shaped like a penis and at least a few are fired every day anyway.”
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