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Guillotine: A New Social Media Platform

San Francisco, CA – Given all the recent social-media post removals, account suspensions and bans, and entire platforms such as Parler being taken offline, newcomer Brian Orleans has developed a new platform for those looking for alternatives.

Orleans has previously worked with various universities around the US, researching data mining, analytics and machine learning. He also briefly worked for Google and Facebook.

“I want to streamline the experience,” said Orleans, “while keeping it easy-to-use and familiar.”

The new platform is Guillotine, an allusion to the liberalist French Revolution. He even has a second platform in the pipeline. “They will be practically the same, just cosmetic differences. I know people will want at least the illusion of choice,” said Orleans. “Not sure what to call it yet. Maybe Red Tera?”

In the meantime, using Guillotine is simple. The user signs up with their email and some basic personal information. After validating their email, they can log in and start posting.

“But unlike existing social media, I want to treat all my users consistently and not discriminate,” said Orleans. Indeed, after anything between one to six posts or even 24 hours without posting, they are automatically banned no matter what they write or don’t write.

“Guillotine looks really nice,” said one user. “My first post: ‘TWITTER IS RUN BY A TWAT.’ Locked me out immediately with a message telling me I was permanently banned. The experience was very familiar indeed. Very efficient.”

Another user posted a picture of their roast chicken. “Easier than using Instagram, for sure. But a few seconds later, Guillotine declared that my roast chicken was too burnt and was therefore a ‘racist reference’ as well as being placed too far on the right side of the table. Bang, got banned right there.”

“I know why it’s called Guillotine,” said Cindy, who recently moved from California to Texas. “Conservatives seemed to get banned after one post, whereas liberals can get away with maybe two, so that’s cool… Yeah, looks nice, and I like simple but it was too simple. It just didn’t look the same as Facebook or Twitter. I would have liked it more if I got banned sooner though, then I got something to cry about.”

Some (former) users, however, are concerned about their personal details. Chase, a business owner in Seattle, said, “I got banned after five minutes but did they delete all my details?”

When asked about the privacy policy of Guillotine, Orleans answered, “There is a privacy policy. And that means our policy is private.”

Guillotine: A New Social Media Platform

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