Employers: Productivity Plummets after Roe vs Wade Overturn

Los Angeles, CA – Employers of big and small businesses across the country have complained that productivity immediately plummeted after the Supreme Court announcement of the overturning of Roe vs Wade.


“Over half of my staff in the office just suddenly had meltdowns,” said Dave, a middle manager. “And the rest were all laughing. Nobody did any work!”


Janet, a café owner, had a similar problem. “Half my workers just broke down and started crying and screaming,” she said. “Just as well some of my customers were too, otherwise it would’ve been even more awkward.”


Mitch, a middle manager of a software developer with over 200 employees, said, “It’s Friday, it’s not like they do any work anyway but it was weird… I mean, they’re screaming ‘My body, my choice’ now, but they didn’t do that for the vaccine mandates.”


Mitch also noted some workers were not bothered by the decision. “While I had one guy who was filming all the meltdowns on his phone and cheering, another had his head down and was typing away as usual. He’s our best programmer; obviously, he didn’t care.”


In other news, several platforms have already surfaced showing these spontaneous meltdowns around the country. One is called “Libtards Livestream” and another “Wokeflix”. Experts suspect far-right conspiracy theorists are behind these platforms.

 

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