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BREAKING: Drums Are Loud

Philadelphia, PA – Johnny has discovered that drums are “really frigging loud”.

Attending a Christmas church service for the first time since last Christmas, Johnny was almost deafened by the drumming.

Jimmy, who was the drummer rostered on Sunday, was playing with sticks instead of lightning rods as a “Christmas special”. According to churchgoers, Jimmy has a tendency to “smash his way through appalling Hillsong pieces to alleviate his boredom”.

“Maybe it was just as well I had temporary hearing loss,” said Johnny, “someone told me the sermon wasn’t very good anyway—something about some savior being born.”


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