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Bank Robber Identifies as Tenet Agent

Philadelphia, PA – Alex Hamilton, age 36, was arrested for a bank robbery last week and appeared in court yesterday for the plea hearing.

Hamilton pleaded not guilty, identifying as “a Tenet agent” who deposited money at the bank instead of robbing it.

As expected, Judge Paul Jackson was skeptical.

The defendant explained, “Your honor, video footage shows me walking backwards into the bank empty-handed before walking out backwards with my bag of money.”

The CCTV footage corroborates Hamilton’s claim. It appears that it was partly due to his backward motion that he did not see security guards arriving at the main entrance, who then apprehended him.

Judge Jackson admitted that the CCTV footage indeed supported the defendant’s claim but stated: “If you are truly a Tenet agent, then you would not be disclosing such an important matter to a local, humble civil servant like myself. Now that you’re been caught, you could simply tolerate this until the time to escape in some spectacular manner without revealing yourself. Now, would you like to plea differently or should I let you walk out of here Tenet-style?”

The hearing is apparently in recess after Judge Jackson reversed into his chambers.

Bank Robber Identifies as Tenet Agent

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