Southwest Presbyterian Church to Grant Extra Seating Room

Dallas, TX – Southwest Presbyterian Church has made amendments to its seating arrangement policy.

“Typically, our ushers will make sure people don’t take up too much room,” said ushering coordinator Jill Harrington, “but we now grant extra room for one or even two to those who need it.”

According to John Dill, an elder, it did not take long for the council to decide on the new policy.

“People don’t choose to be fat,” he said, “I mean, we believe people don’t get to choose much of anything. Well, nothing good enough anyway. Or at least that’s what we believe when it suits us.”

Kevin Li, another elder, took a more practical view. “It’s a Presbyterian church, it’s full of fat white snobs so I guess it’s only fair we give them some room,” he said.

Meanwhile, Southwest Lutheran Church is granting an extra portion of communion wine for larger members who have the capacity and the desire to consume more.

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